Armageddon (1998) - 6/10
Armageddon has been called the 'best worst movie ever made', and I am inclined to agree. It is messy, loud, nonsensical, cheesy, and cringey. Roger Ebert went so far as to say "The movie is an assault on the eyes, the ears, the brain, common sense and the human desire to be entertained" and then gave the film his standard of thumbs down. However, his review partner Gene Siskel then turned around and gave the film a thumb up, remarking that he found it "amusing". There in lies the great dichotomy of Armageddon, and perhaps, Michael Bay's entire filmography. Armageddon is all of the things I, and Robert Ebert, think it is... but maybe it is also kinda fun. Lets dive in.
1. Acting
All things considered, the acting in this film is largely fine. In fact, a few members of the cast may actually be trying to earn their paycheck. Billy Bob Thornton and Will Patton in particular are doing a decent job, though they are likely just better than the rest of the cast naturally.
Then again this film is a constant contradiction. So for every Thornton or Patton acting moment, we also get Liv Tyler and Ben Affleck. That's not to say they weren't trying, but the film, at a minimum, was failing their efforts.
2. Cinematography
For all of Michael Bay's faults, he knows how to create spectacle. This film has all the classic Bay-ism he would become known for in the following years. The visuals and camera moves are fast and stylish. His cuts are tense and energetic. And of course, there is plenty of explosions to go around. In fact, these are some of the greatest Bay-splosions I have ever seen from him. The New York scene from the opener is particularly fun to behold and the shot of Paris being blown apart is incredible.
Yet again, we come back to contradiction though. For all of the spectacle of Earth blowing up, I found the third act in space to be pretty ugly. The CGI shows its age and the design of the asteroid is devoid of the visual flair that makes the rest of the movie so much fun to look at. The scenes on the asteroid also feel most like the assault on the senses the Ebert was referring. It was frequently hard to look at the constant sharp strobing white light on a dark and black background. I'm not sure what alternatives they considered but it was a tougher watch then the first half of the film.
3. Production/Costume Design
One of the things that really helps this film work is the infusion of real NASA facilities and expertise. Bay loves working with real world assets when he can and studios seem more than willing to seek out partnerships with Military, law enforcement and other agencies to bring authenticity to his films. Bay's reverence for these institutions is apparent and their use in the film helps lend at least some credibility to the whole affair.
4. Writing
Until this rewatch, I had no idea that J. J. Abrams helped write this movie. He and Jonathan Hensleigh certainly managed to craft something... interesting. It definitely has the hallmarks of a popcorn blockbuster. But also, (contradictions again) made some really weird choices.
The thing about movies like this is that it requires the audience to turn their brains off. And that is truly not a knock - it is nice sometimes to just throw on a dumb and entertaining movie that doesn't require much of the audience. I can certainly appreciate the palette cleanse considering some of the more dramatic films I've seen lately. But, boy do you REALLY have to turn your brain off for some of this.
For one, this film is very American-centric. I feel like it wasn't until the very end of the film, right before the world is set to end, that we start to actually acknowledge that there are other countries who maybe would have liked a more active role in the plot a bit earlier.
Another thing I noted was how bad the central romance was. The film clearly needed to inject some emotional stakes for the characters, but that animal cracker scene is just brutal. Also, its hard to ignore Liv Tyler clearly being used as the 'eye candy' of the movie and her character is like a walking talking Bechdel Test failure. There is also a weird subplot involving Will Patton's character and his ex-wife/son that plays out over the course of like two whole 30 second scenes. It felt so thrown in and forced it ended up playing as comedy.
And of course, my favorite part of the script - space dementia. Steve Buscemi's character just goes insane in the third act and completely ruins any good will he had built at that point. It also fails to effect the plot in any way and doesn't add any valuable tension or comic relief. It was a wild choice.
Yet, for all its fault this script actually manages to do some good. The ticking clock maybe a bit much but the film does manage to create a nice rhythm in its tensions and reliefs. The stakes do feel appropriately high, despite its outlandish premise. And maybe the best thing we can remember when it comes to the writing of this film is what Michael Bay said to Ben Affleck when he questioned why they couldn't just train the astronauts to do the drilling -- "[Ben], shut the fuck up".
5. Sound Design
This movie is loud. Of course the explosion are loud, they should be. What really gets me is how every character is just shouting for entirety of the film. There must be a supercut of all the scenes that are just people running around yelling things. It is crazy.
The soundtrack is also something else. Ben Affleck's tone deafness aside, the real star of this film is the complete awkwardness of pseudo love scenes featuring Liv Tyler scored by Aerosmith songs. So. Fucking. Weird.
6. Editing
Bay is known for his stylish and rapid cutting in his films. It's weirdly impressive because it manages to not be too visually confusing like a lot of other films. It is keeps up the fun pace and energy of the film.
7. Visual Effects
There is some tremendous VFX in this film, especially for 1998. There is also some CGI that is definitely showing its age at this point. So overall, another contradiction.
With that said, the city leveling explosions are top notch work and look great to this day. The shuttle scenes and approach to the asteroid, not so much.
Armageddon is famously a member of the 'Twin Film'. This is the weird phenomenon you've probably noticed before when two movies, that are essentially the same thing, get released right around the same time. The twin in this case was Deep Impact; a film with slightly more serious ambitions than its counterpart. Point being, it Armageddon is not even original in its own release window.
One thing I forgot to note during the writing section is I enjoyed the allusions to the asteroid being a 'monster'. We get a small hint at that when we see Godzilla dolls for sale right before New York is attacked by some initial meteors. I wish they had played more into this because I think that there is a monster movie adaptation buried in the subtext of the script that went untapped.
9. Stunt Coordination
It looks like a lot of wire work and just general stunt work went into the films action and destruction scenes. Overall, the execution here seems to be good, though nothing special.
10. Direction
Michael Bay gets a lot of well deserved shit for his style and explosions, but at the end of the day he is a highly competent action movie director. I, despite the 6/10 score here, really enjoy his early movies like Bad Boys and The Rock.
Legacy/Final Thoughts
I mentioned earlier that Armageddon and Deep Impact both came out at the same time. Deep Impact had its own issues, but was generally better received by critics and had a more grounded approach to its plot. However, some 27 years later, the film most people still remember is Armageddon. The 'graduates' of Armageddon from its cast, its directors, and its writers, also have had a larger impact on Hollywood over time compared to its twin film.
So, is Armageddon the best worst film ever made? That descriptor may be a bit too harsh. If you can turn your brain off and enjoy all of the Bayhem, this film is still pretty entertaining. And if at the end of the day it isn't for you, then at least it has a twin you can check out.
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